I’m a Motivator, an Inspirerer.

By Lakeisha Edwards

TW: Domestic Violence, Rape

Watching my mother go through DV from the young age of six all the way to the age of eleven, my childhood was nothing I’d like to remember.  The things I saw and heard every night were so tragic that they caused me to have post-traumatic stress disorder today. That caused me a great deal of distance from my older sisters and my mother. I had no friends !  I was always alone and distant no matter how many people were around me it was like I was still alone. I was always in deep thought staring off…  knew I was different.  And with all that went on with me growing up, it played a huge part in the silence and caused the weirdness they would always say I had. Then I experienced almost losing my life at the hands of carelessness from being too trustworthy.  Being taken off by cowards at gunpoint and being taken advantage of by two total strangers! All because they couldn’t face the fact that they were cowards and instead of revenge on the people they were supposed to take it out on…  they made the cowardly act of raping me. My mother saved their lives, and the same woman who one night keeps these two guys from getting killed, later on, that night they made the bold decision to take her daughter at gunpoint and rape her. The way I prayed, begged, and pleaded for my life in that very moment. That was only one of the most horrible moments in my life at the age of sixteen.  My spiritual ancestors and their strong prayers of protection I have is what saved my life that night. 

I got older and had children of my own and made the mistake of letting my children grow up experiencing the same trauma I experienced with my mother growing up. So much abuse that four O’clock one morning my oldest daughter had to pry a demonic human’s teeth from my face after being attacked by him twice. This was the worst attack and form of abuse in its worst stage. I had to be rushed to the hospital with a bitten-up face by a human! The police told me they’d never seen a human being of that nature and that they’d never had to arrest one.  But! I’m still here! All of these acts I took on as characters I created throughout my life are how I’ve survived through life.  I feel my character has shown me how powerfully brave  and strong I am because like I said; I’m still here! I know I have a purpose in life and it took me all these years to finally open my eyes and know this fairytale needs a happy ending. I have been hiding behind lies, deceptions, heartache and so many trials just to be happy. I built this little city where I think I have control just so I can smile through some days and live for only one purpose, and that’s to keep everyone I’m around happy so they wouldn’t notice how sad I am and how miserable I am.

I’ve always known there was more to life than what I’d been through. I knew I wanted whatever else it was out there. Anything was better than what I’d seen. 

So with all the holding on to my silence from seven to eleven of molestation from my auntie’s boyfriends to my mother’s boyfriend. I grew up with relationship issues with other children. Being poor and strange just wasn’t in.  I grew completely silent!  Seeing I had no father figure/ images and not knowing myself and what I deserved I went through relationship after relationship constantly getting taken advantage of, and trying to be nice I ended up with eight children. Four boys and four girls, six baby daddies. (Not children’s fathers at the time, but that’s another story).

 I would play out my fairytale in my head and when things go wrong I’d just alter the story to fit accordingly, then I would put one of the world quotes in my head and just say “Oh well it’s life, I’m not the only one going through the bs, others may be worse off than me”. I’d go through life waking up each day hoping something good happens in this story.  And if it does happen, is it real? Not just another way to use me to get their rewards for their deeds in life. So many knights but none had on shiny armor, I let my hair down for a couple of knights but they just cut it and told me I was showing out by lending out my hair. (Rapunzel)  I lent my shoe to a few for comfort but they only tried to take over and caused me to get evicted. (Little old lady in the shoe) Now I’m in the woods just to get away from all the soul suckers, I want a happy ending and I needed to find it for myself; cause it didn’t seem my happy ending would end with a knight in shining armor riding into rescue me and ride off on his horse to a happy ending.

HERE COMES THE BIG BAD WOLF

In this part of my fairy tale, It was me wandering without a care in the woods and ran dead into a big bad wolf! Like I said and I will say again; I live my life by a fairy tale just waiting on my prince charming. But this story goes way different than your average fairy tale.

 Oh yeah! Prince Charming is in this story, but he doesn’t have shiny armor, he ain’t ride on a horse, and he didn’t take this princess away. He did a lot of good but it was more bad than good in the end. But he provided everything I needed to be on the journey I’m on today. Through this journey, everyone that has crossed my path gave this journey purpose.

I said all this before telling this part of this story first because if it weren’t for the story up top, this bottom half may not even exist.

 I got into the nursing field. I thought that was my destiny because I wanted to help the elders.

Well, that didn’t last too long before it started to tear me down mentally as well as physically., Never had a steady income due to not being able to work, working through the pain, and being rushed off to the hospital. But through all that I found every way I could to write. I used to get  tablets to write in,  loose sheet paper most of the time when I couldn’t afford WiFI. I would go to the library to write. I rented the library WiFi box for a year. I did any and everything I could to write. 

I used to go to my mother’s house  to use her Wifi.  Anywhere I was able to write, I was there! 

 But she would always encourage my words and tell me how good they were, small notes that rhymed. Finally, I felt the courage to write full poems and give them to my mother. She’d always keep all of my writing. At the age of twelve, I began to send my poetry to a site called poetry.com and they’ll also tell me how awesome my writing was. It gave me more courage that now more than my mother is saying my words are good. So I kept sending them until I finally began to get small certificates I could feel and see my words were appreciated.

SO THIS IS THE REWARDS OF ALL THAT TRAUMA! That opened doors to writing complete manuscripts.  I used to write stories on Medium, I tried Tumblr, Tumblr was kind of different for me. But I just needed a place to share my writing, writing experiences & trials of writing. 

Now, I’m an Author/Screenwriter/Poet/Voice actor with six published books on Amazon and one with Banes & Nobel. I’m a voice actor for a Podcast called LOOKING FOR SALLY. I’m the CEO of  BREAKING CHAINS  PRODUCTIONS/PUBLISHING & PODCAST (a publishing and production company that also has a podcast) In 2019 I was named one of Eber & Weins’s best poets and I have several poems published in Eber and Wein’s poetry Anthologies. I’m also a lover of music, which I also write. I think a few of my songs were taken by my will of unknowingly sending three songs over to MAJESTIC RECORDS and that was it. I didn’t have those songs anymore. I  have two of my paintings displayed in Thimble Literary Magazine  I’m the creator of (PIP) Poems in paintings.  I also have a short story displayed with you here in Renaissance Reads Literary Magazine. I published an article for NaNoWriMo. My long-term dream is to open THE PROCESS an inspirational, life transformational program that empowers.

I’m a motivator, an Inspirerer. But overall writing has gotten me out of my darkest places due to me getting it out, anywhere but stuck in my head. It inspired me to write my life’s unedited story called The Diary Of A Country City Girl in e-book format only.  These experiences have made me so much stronger that I can face so much more. This writing journey has made me brave because of all the trauma and my writing about it has relieved me so much and encouraged me to do so much more. When I wrote my first book I had no idea how to write a book, format a book, or edit a book. Nothing. All I knew was what was in my head and wanted to come out. 

When I started writing poetry I knew about one style of poetry. Rhyming poetry. That was it! But I learned. Growth is about the exploration of life and people. Facing different experiences

 And now I write scripts for movies! 

I mean, I like to paint and draw also but my real passion is creating characters, worlds, and conflicted situations to get them through. That’s bravery for me.


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